OPINION: California Strikes Again

The state that brought us tofu hot dogs, Baywatch, and Nancy Pelosi has sunk to a new low.

The state that brought us tofu hot dogs, Baywatch, and Nancy Pelosi has sunk to a new low.

It would be laughable if it weren’t so disgusting. The fact that California has decided to sue a handful of automakers for allegedly causing huge monetary damages by creating greenhouse gases is indeed a joke. The car manufacturers, understandably, aren’t laughing.

(You really have to wonder if any of this would be happening if only Gary Coleman had just won that darn Governor’s election.)

Forgetting for now that there’s no hard evidence that global warming is caused by humans, it seems the Golden State would prefer if its citizenry roll around on Segways – they get the equivalent of 450 miles per gallon, with no emissions, you know.

So, as the state’s upcoming election draws near – not that that played a role in any of this ridiculousness, of course - let’s think of other ingenious ways California’s pols can garner favor with the tree huggers.

For starters, let’s go after the utilities. California’s move to deregulate the energy industry awhile back went so swimmingly that the state should have no problems in this department. The hum of those pesky electric generators? Got to be worth at least a hundred million bucks in noise pollution alone.

Farming is big in California, making that industry ripe for the picking. Yes, yes, all of that heavy equipment is needed to grow the food that feeds a good portion of the free world, but the destruction those diesel-powered tractors cause! Agriculture is a $30 billion industry in California, so the farmers have to plenty to spare.

And speaking of tractors, there are plenty of homes with lawns in California. Hitting the landscaping industry for big bucks is a no-brainer. Come to the think of it, how about individual homeowners - those Lawn-Boys don’t run on air!

These are just a handful of ideas that could work; surely the creative folks in Cali can come up with many more money-stealing, headline-grabbing, vote-for-me-because-for-the-next-few-weeks-I-care-about-the-environment ideas.

Meanwhile, in talking about the suit, California Attorney General Bill Lockyer told the Associated Press – presumably with a straight face – that “we’re getting the taxpayers’ money back.”

Well, good, because they’ll need if for their $85,000 Camry’s that will run on water - or better yet, tofu.

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